So, recently, we had a graduation party for a cousin of mine, and I attended said party. Now, I love my family, but I did not want to go. However, it's a graduation for a close family member, so I'm obliged to go to support them.
Now, a party for everyone else is a fun social time. For a HOH person, it's just another reminder of what we're missing out on. Someone talks to you, you sign and voice back, and they look at you like you've just announced that you have a highly contagious disease, or like they've discovered that you're a blithering idiot, and they walk away. That or you become the "special" family member that everyone is asking questions from; which, I suppose is ok, if it's about Deaf culture, but for a Hard of Hearing Introvert, well, misery ensues.
What makes it miserable? Well, as my pastor always says, "I'm glad you asked."
The first misery is that it's just too loud. A HOH person needs to have everything else quiet or else the words just blur into into the background, with occasional words or phrases, and if you're lucky, complete sentences, standing out from the background of incomprehensible words. Everything sounds like rocks in a grinder, or like a stone mortar and pestle being used. Even worse if there's background music, which there was in different parts of the house.
Now, a party for everyone else is a fun social time. For a HOH person, it's just another reminder of what we're missing out on. Someone talks to you, you sign and voice back, and they look at you like you've just announced that you have a highly contagious disease, or like they've discovered that you're a blithering idiot, and they walk away. That or you become the "special" family member that everyone is asking questions from; which, I suppose is ok, if it's about Deaf culture, but for a Hard of Hearing Introvert, well, misery ensues.
What makes it miserable? Well, as my pastor always says, "I'm glad you asked."
The first misery is that it's just too loud. A HOH person needs to have everything else quiet or else the words just blur into into the background, with occasional words or phrases, and if you're lucky, complete sentences, standing out from the background of incomprehensible words. Everything sounds like rocks in a grinder, or like a stone mortar and pestle being used. Even worse if there's background music, which there was in different parts of the house.
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Then, someone introduces themselves. You say hi, and sign "nice to meet you" while voicing, so that they know you're Deaf or HOH. If you're lucky they sign back, or at least continue talking with you. If not, they look at you like you've just become beneath their dignity, or at least not worth the effort of talking with, and they walk away.
Now, if you find someone who signs, it's delightful. Even if they're newer, or it's been a long time, they are generally excited to sign with you, and it can be so much fun. I got to sign with a young mother and she not only enjoyed the chat, but she explained why I was signing to her children, using it as a teaching experience. She was teaching them about Deaf/HOH and was helping them understand me. It was very cool!
However, sometimes, hearing people are really enthusiastic to meet you. VERY enthusiastic. Especially if you can speak. I think I got grilled on my deafness, knowledge of Deaf culture and ASL for at least half an hour by an older gentleman. Let me tell you, it was frustrating and yet kinda cool at the same time. Weird how those two can go hand in hand sometimes. It was cool that he wanted to know about Deaf culture, but he was so annoyingly intent on learning it that I couldn't even talk with anyone else. I felt like I was being interrogated. At one point, it wasn't just one guy, it was four or five people, and the rest of the time there were people coming in and out listening and asking questions. Oh my word, so exhausting. Especially when you're Deaf/HOH, and introverted (the definition of introverted here being that I recharge when I'm worn out by doing solo activities, generally creative things, while being social drains me like you wouldn't believe.).
Oh, and pet peeve; DON'T LOOK DOWN WHEN YOU ARE TALKING TO ME, OR WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU! Just, don't. If it's when you're talking and I'm trying to listen, I can't lip read you, and probably can't hear you if your face has something between me and you. And if it's when I'm talking, I think you're not listening. In Deaf culture, it's EXTREMELY rude to look away when someone is talking, and continue looking away. I don't know about glancing away for half a second if movement catches your eye, but I know that for me, I get frustrated when I don't see your eyes and mouth when I'm talking with you. Just...look me in the eye, PLEASE.
In short, if you have a HOH friend for family member, and they want to skip your party, let them. PLEASE, have mercy on them. It is not fun.
