Update in September 2019

Life has been very busy, so updates have been sparse.

Mum is still battling cancer, and recently had a short fight with neutropenia (dangerously low white blood cell count) that put her chemo on hold for a week or so. They did a CT scan and found no new cancer cells in her abdomen, so praise the LORD. She is going back on chemo now, and we hope she'll be through in December. Please keep her in your prayers.

Dad has been struggling some more MS issues, though I am not sure how much I'm at liberty to say. Suffice to say, he needs prayers as well.

As for myself, I have found an asthma medication that has helped me immensely and am no longer requiring a mask, and have only used my inhaler once in the past month. Praise GOD for HIS goodness in providing me with a medication that helps!  We still don't know what's wrong with me as far as stiff and painful muscles during cold weather, and I've also been having vision issues. I have no real answers to give right now on these issues.

Other extended family members are dealing with health issues as well, one with an undiagnosed autoimmune disorder, another with a severe infection that has put them in the hospital, and another with an upcoming surgery to repair a broken joint that has already had multiple corrective surgeries. Some of these family members are older and frail and need your prayers.

I will be very honest with you and state that right now, my world feels like it's on fire, and like I am losing almost everything. I feel very much overwhelmed, even to the point of breaking. This is hard. Harder than anything I have ever been through in my entire life. 

And yet, as I feel like my world is burning, the more I gaze at GOD, the more I find that, even in this fire, there is hope. My world isn't entirely in flames. HE stays the same. HE is unchanging. HE will never die or leave me. HE will never abandon me. The outcome is sure; HE will reign, now and forever.

My walk with HIM is far from perfect, yet while I gaze at HIM, I find I cannot despair. How can I? HE is my hope. Not just the hope of Heaven at the end of this life, but HE HIMSELF is my hope. The more HE fills my mind, this unchanging, faithful GOD, the less I can despair. The more HE fills my thoughts, the more I think on HIS majesty, HIS glory, HIS power, the mystery of this incomprehensible GOD WHO has condescended to let us know HIM in part, WHO reconciled us to HIMSELF by the blood of HIS SON, the more I find I cannot despair for I have HIM. I cannot even begin to explain this supernatural hope in the midst of this storm. 

Could it be that this time of testing, of grieving, and even possible loss, could be to reveal to us more fully the complete sufficiency of GOD for all our needs until we truly find in HIM our all in all? Could it be that the purpose of this storm in our lives is to take from us all we cling to, until we find ourselves only with HIM, and find that HE is more than enough? Is this suffering what it takes to finally know GOD as intimately as we long to know HIM? Could this firey trial be what it takes to purify us to draw ever closer to HIM? To strip away the false idols, the things we cling to in place of HIM, so that HE might give us HIMSELF? 

I believe, even now, I can honestly say that if it is the will of GOD to draw us to HIMSELF through suffering, it is worth it. It is worth it to lose all that I have if it gives me HIM. It is worth it to lose all that I hold dear, if HE will give me HIMSELF in place of it. I am learning I can give up any sense of having my family, trusting them completely into HIS hands, even into death, because HE is wholly good and can be trusted. Have I learned this perfectly? No. It is easier to say than to believe minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. But I am learning this. And I pray that I learn it well, and never forget it.